Who I am...

Just more rambling from yet another homeschooling mom. I hope that I can honestly share my struggles and triumphs in this journey. I would love to inspire and encourage others, because if I can do it - so can you!!


schooling, cooking, baking, studying, working, photographing, eating, writing, playing, learning, praying, loving, imagining, creating, crying, hugging, laughing, giggling, mess-making, sleeping

School, SpED, parties, and sickness, Oh my!

I feel like I have been a whirling, twirling top ever since we got home from California in January. We've been on the go nearly constantly, or stuck at home in bed. We even missed a week of co-op due to fevers and a stomach virus. It seems that at least one of us has had some sort of virus since the first week of January, and no amount of bleach and Lysol will rid us of these germs! When we haven't been sick, we've been at special ed evaluations, co-op, get-togethers with long lost friends, and parties. There really just hasn't been a moment to sit and reflect, much less to actually blog those reflections!

The special evaluations went well for the most part, confirming much of what I already knew and giving me some insights into my Sensory-challenged child. Girlfriend is brilliant in math, has excellent language processing skills, writes and articulates like a pre-schooler. We are going to be doing some handwriting therapy, speech therapy, and allowing for some accommodations, like reading all assignments except the Barton Program and actual reading, outloud. Her OT would like us to go for a private evaluation in the big city for a more thorough sensory evalution, beyond her capabilities in the little facilty we attend. Funny thing is, she has really bonded with the speech therapist and will do all sorts of things for her! She had previously met with the speech therapist and gotten all settled into the environment before meeting for the first time with the OT. OT said she wouldn't have had any idea about most of her issues if she hadn't heard them from me or heard the observations of the ST. Crazy. We were even able to do a short eval with the psych, and may try to do another eventually, which in all our years of therapy and evals we've never been able to do. Much of this paragraph probably makes little sense, but I really can't read through it and don't have the energy for more, so this will have to do for now. If anyone wants to know more about it, feel free to ask!

The thing is, having a child who for the most part, appears to be normal, but has serious coping issues can be so frustrating for the parents. And I know its hard on her too. But it feels so unfair sometimes. I have high expectations for this kid, and I am not content to let her isolate herself from the world. At the same time, I daily feel like I am a failure as a parent. That someone else could parent her so much more effectively than me.

(Uh Oh! More breaking glass just heard upstairs!!! Yesterday Mellie broke the glass turntable on the microwave. Second microwave she's disabled in just 5 short years. Actually its only been 6 months between breakages!)

What was I saying, oh yeah, I am a failure as a parent. Daily. The thing is, I know I am not doing my best, and that there is always room from improvement. I feel like I am giving constantly, and it's so draining to relive the same struggles day after day. Tonight, for example, the girls and daddy sat down to play a card game, and daddy tried to teach them the actual rules, even though they had been playing all afternoon with their own rules. Libs was convinced from the get-go that she was going to lose, just like she always does. She either has to win, or she doesn't want to play because everyone else must be cheating. Anyway, it all fell apart when she did something against the rules and she proceeded to have a massive screaming fit in the middle of the kitchen. Her normal MO is to run away and slam the door. I wouldn't let her leave. Her screams got louder and more blood-curdling as I continued to make her stay in the kitchen. All the while, I am trying to stir stuff in the (broken) microwave, on the stovetop, and not burn the stuff in the oven. Of course, it means stuff boils over on the oven and I drop four things out of the freezer on to my toe. I get sick to my stomach and lose my appetite. I get a huge headache. Eventually, she calms down enough to join the family at the table, whereupon it is discovered that nothing I have prepared is edible for this child. Vegetables! The Horror! Ravioli! Disgusting, this pasta is not long and straight! Red Spaghetti Sauce! Evil! All must scream and cry because no one can tolerate the nastiness gracing our table. She was asked to leave the table due to her inability to calm herself down. The evening ended for me when I left the table feeling miserable. Now, here I am blogging and watching Chuck, feeling sorry for myself. I spent about a half an hour in prayer, and she eventually calmed down enough to return to the table for a few bites to eat before bed. Unfortunately it feels like this routine repeats itself in different Variations on the Theme, nightly. UGH.

I am anticipating that we might eventually be able to work though some of this in therapy. Not that I think we can solve all our issues overnight, but I need some new strategies. And so does she.

In other news, lots of parties, including my girls' first real Valentines' parties. We even had a skating party and all the girls improved in their roller skating abilities. They all still prefer the ice, but they can at least make it around the roller rink a few times! And now the Valentine's Day cards are all stashed away in secret hiding spaces to be saved until the end of time. I really need to take a picture of the cards I made for the girls. They turned out super cute and were quite a hit!

I was also approached about a new opportunity to write, and when I know more I will pass it along! It sounds like it will be a lot of fun to be a part of a great community!

I really ought to be getting ready to go . . .

But I am procrastinating with a meme instead. Feel free to play along and let me know if you do!

Use the first letter of your name to find a word for each of the following:

Your Name - Gretchen
Four letter word - grow
Boy name - Gerald
Girl name - Gertrude
Occupation - grocer
Color - green
Beverage - green tea (is that cheating?)
Something found in a bathroom - grime, eww
A Place - Grover, PA
Reason for being late - grounded? grouchy? ran out of gas?
Food - gingersnaps
Something you shout - Grrrrr-eat!